Marriage VS Singledom

High school reunions.

It's the type of event I jump to go to because it's a brag fest for people who have become successful in their lives, or who were the dorks in school who can now show off that they've grown from ugly duckling to stunning swan. I love watching people and enjoy seeing where they have come from to where they are presently. It's slightly motivating and definitely pulls at the heart strings. 

So when it came to the day of my high school reunion and I wouldn't be attending due to not being able to pay for the ticket for this three course meal and dance, my mother surprised me by giving me the money because I would've been the only one in our friendship group that wasn't going.

Friendship Groups. 

In school there are always clicks - the popular group, the nerdy group, the gamers, the jocks, the smokers, the goths, the cutters, the fighters, the top dogs e.t.c and I was in the group which was a jumble of different styles. 

We had the sporty girl, the musical girl, the IT guy, the player, the foreigner, the goth girl, the hippy hugger and the tinkerbell. As far as click went, this click was the best of them all because we were dynamic. 

Changes.

As soon as I found out I was able to go, I messaged all my high school girl friends to let them know I was able to go and asked that they please keep space at the table open. It was as I walked into the hall and up to the table that contained half the original click when I saw the unresponsive 'welcoming' hello I received that I knew things had changed. 

Or Had They?

The table that contained this particular click included the married with children couples. The other table, which had another couple from my school click (they are not married, but have kids), were what I was expecting. They came up to greet and had saved space at their table and the feels were warm and happy and pure excitement - exactly what I had expected from table number 1.

After having been disappointed that our school click had gotten two separate tables and divided our already small group in half, I asked what the problem was. 

The Problem. 

Apparently me.

Because I am :

a) not married

b) do not have kids

c) and cannot afford to join for morning breakfasts because I don't have a money tree in my garden,

the married couple had a problem with me and were pissed off with me for not attending morning tea. Yes, I had arranged this, but after changing the date to accommodate everyone for two months straight; ask yourself if I was really going to change the date again?  No. I mean... really, where is the logic.

Was that reason enough to split our group into two sections on a night when we should have been together? Was that reason enough to brush off a friendship that has been going for 12 years? I don't think so. 

It blew my mind that I had been categorized as the person who "doesn't spend time with her friends because they have babies", when the reality is, I arrange events at venues that are the most suitable for kids.

Being The Bigger Person

After finding out that 'friends' had spoken badly about me behind my back to mutual friends, I decided to be the bigger person (after I had vented) and went up to the married friends and asked if they would like to go out after the reunion. I was greeted with a pathetic nod, a thumbs up and a 'umph' response. And that was it. 

Lesson Learnt

I directly and clearly said "That is it. Don't expect me to fucking try again." and walked away from a distrustful fakeship. 

Married Couples VS Singledom

The problem is that married people, who have kids, automatically think that their single friends alienate them. They don't. 

The problem is that married people, who have kids, automatically assume that their single friends hate children and blame the lack of time spent on the friendship, on their choice to have kids. It's not. 

The problem is that married people, who have kids, automatically think that their single friends don't know how to adapt to the fact that they have children. They do adapt.

The problem is that married people seek drama and the people they pick on, are the unmarried folk who do not have any children. Why? Because it's easy to pick on a single person who does not fall into your approval box which contains the categories:

• Married
• House
• Children

It's easy to pick on the single people because "they're still the immature child they were in high school." But how mature are you, when you're left sitting at a table backstabbing people who consider you their friend. How mature are you when you don't have the decency to sit down and communicate face-to-face with a friend, if you have a problem with them. 

Maybe you should consider the option that just because you're a mother, or a father, that you aren't as mature as you think you are. 

More often than not, through my own personal experience, friendships are lost when friends get married, not because the single friend runs away (as most married women state), but 95% of the time, it's because it's the single friend who has to always make the effort to see the married-with-kids friend or arrange events so that time can be spent with them. How often should a friend have to be the only one running after a friendship to maintain it? It's a two way road and unfortunately, the friendship is usually not returned. This lose of friendship should not be blamed on marriage or having children, maybe it should be blamed on a one-sided relationship and we all know, when it's not 50/50, it's over. 

I know that by writing this blog and venting, that I am being a hypocrite by not talking to this said married person face-to-face, but I did try that night and it was through lack of a response from this person that communication was not an option.

I understand that some mothers and fathers manage to make a marriage, children and mixed married-single friendship circles work and it's to these parents that I say HIGH FUCKING FIVE! YOU HAVE ACHIEVED THE UN-ACHIEVABLE! 

But to the rest I say:

When you start losing friends because you assume it's based upon the fact that you got married, pregnant and had a baby, maybe you should have a look at yourself before you judge and mark single people as baby-haters and friendship-breakers.

End Rant

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