It kills to be awake

A hard realization hit home tonight. I know because i can feel my heart pounding harder,my eyes want to fill and my body becomes stiff. The book, the paragraph I keep re-reading doesn't want to sink in and eventually my eyes are just following the outline of the black ink on paper.


When did I become this person?
When did I stop believing in fairytale endings?
When did i stop believing in true love, everlasting?


I must still have a slight glimmer of hope, as small as a thread wrapped around my heart just once, because I still picture what I want:


My fairytale prince running back into my life without doubt or question, taking me and wrapping me in his arms filled with forgiveness, letting me know that we belong together. Yet. Every day, that picture fades out more and more...


I question why forgiveness is so hard when love is suppose to be all powerful.
I question why a promise was laid out but then taken away when I knelt before it.
I question why you can spend so much history with someone, make one mistake and how time can overcome love.
I question why it takes so long to know.
I question because in my world of fairy tales, in my mind of childish dreams; never once did the prince have to stop and think. Never once did the prince not know.


The harsh understanding is that I now know that true love, unconditional love, exists only in movies, only in the books designed for children.


Because in my world; true love just fades away.